It may be time for you to heart Tofurkey

Years ago, my husband and business partner, Bryan Kramer, and our friend DJ Waldow ran a 90-day social campaign called #90DaystoEllen, in which, as a bet, we attempted to get the boys lunch with Ellen Degeneres strictly by using social media.

Despite receiving over 72 million social impressions, raising over $1.5K for Feeding America, winning “Content Marketing Campaign of the Year” by the Content Marketing Institute, and making tons of new friends… Ellen never responded. That sucked.


This made us want some bacon.

Many of you may not know that Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan, which means that she pretty much won’t eat anything that has a face on it, or wear clothing made from any living thing’s skin. Yes, when put that way, it sounds kinda gross that most of us carnivores consume our food this way, but according to her “Healthy Living” section on her website, being a vegan is easier than it sounds if approached slowly and if you focus on the types of foods you already love [insert token bacon joke here, too easy.] Although, in my research, I did read a rumor that Ellen eats eggs, which are not on the vegan diet, but I imagine considered the “gateway” food from vegan to vegetarian.

Since summer is in full swing, and the season of beachside picnics and horseshoes is upon us, we thought we’d share some fun things to do and eat Vegan-style to celebrate the thrivity of our furry/fishy/fowly friends:

**Learn to love food with “air quotes” or missing letters in their name. Oh, yes, it is time to pass the Tofurkey. Tofurkey is defined by Wikipedia as a “portmanteau of tofu and turkey”, which makes it my favorite portmanteau. I enjoy a fine portmanteau after a heavy meal of kale and banana chips. Or, you could opt for grandma’s famous “Chik’n” Salad on wheat or stuffed into a celery stalk for a delicious and healthy addition to any meal.

**Discover that there is only a one-letter difference between “Vegan” and “Vegas”. Luck be a lady tonight! Many people have posed the question “Is it more expensive to eat vegan?” and the short answers I found were “Yes!” The longer answers were “Yes, but if you really compare, it’s about the same as long as you don’t base your diet on faux meat substitutes.” Faux meat, I assume, is tofu shaped to resemble ground beef, or chicken strips, or scrambled eggs, or Lady Gaga’s next awards show dress. I assume it is not meant to mean “foe”, as in “the opposite of friend”, in which case it would mean “enemy meat”,  which is actually the premise behind being vegan. Now I’m confused. In any case, both Vegas and vegans have strips, clubs, banana hammocks, cold fruity drinks served in animal-free plastic yards, and cards, because they’re made out of paper.

**Have a guilt-free three-legged race. Go grab a partner, I’ve got great news. Burlap is vegan! And as it turns out, to the vegan and fashion-forward community, it is used for so much more than just helping you and a friend race down a grassy lawn, making scarecrows and clothing hobos. Did you know that people make shoes out of burlap? Shoes of all kinds. Wedges. Slippers. Rustic wedding shoes. Wall prints too, with quotes from the likes of George Bernard Shaw and Cher. Bags. Totes. Candle holders. Soap. You can even buy an authentic “Men’s Mystery Wallet” made entirely out of recycled coffee bean sacks, hand-made in Providence, RI and delivered right to your doorstep! In the words of its creator, “How fun is this !?”

**This is no summer fad, people. Did you know that being vegan has been considered mainstream since the early 2000s, when concerns about people’s health, the environment and animal rights converged together to create the movement? According to Wikipedia, there are over 300 famous people who are vegans, including here ones that fit the summer theme of this post:

  • Bryan Adams (who ironically for this post wrote “Summer of ‘69” )
  • Pamela Anderson (who is famous for wearing a red swimsuit in the summer on “Baywatch”)
  • Alec Baldwin (who just quit Twitter for the 3rd time for tweeting summer smoothie recipes from James Gandolfini’s funeral <– probably automated, which is unfortunate for him because he is AWESOME)
  • Kristin Bell (who we and Ellen love, here is a link to her infamous birthday sloth meltdown on Ellen’s show
  • Summer Phoenix (actually all the Phoenix kids, but her name has Summer in it so she makes the list)
  • Portia de Rossi (here for obvious reasons but I’m sure it’s easier to share a meal when one person isn’t glaring at you from across the table as you take a bite of animal flesh)
  • And lots more with the last names from S-Z.

It turns out there are a lot of really, really talented people on that list. Maybe being a vegan makes you more talented? I guess there’s only one way to find out. Bon appetit!

Click to grab your own copy of my book “Be Your Creative Sexy Self”.

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